I haven’t wanted to write my blog lately or should I rephrase that, it’s not that I didn’t want to write, it’s that I wasn’t happy with what I would be writing about. All things circle around Molson these days and Molsie hasn’t been great. That damn checklist has had a check or two moved over into the No Please G-d Not Yet column.

Right now it is 12:42 A.M. it is freezing outside and not just a little bit cold with the mattress on the floor inside. Unfortunately for us we can’t turn on the heat in this room as our king size mattress is buttressed up against the wall right up against the floorboard heater. Not a good situation to have the heat turned on. Last winter we ordered one of those energy saving fireplaces that the Amish have so nicely given to us free of charge, as long as we bought one of their very fine hand crafted mahogany mantles!

Now it is 12:44, it took me a while to write this down and I am gazing into the fake flame-licking fire-like Amish fireplace bundled under the covers with my husband snoring at the other side of the bed and Molsie snuggled up against me with his nose sticking out of his cover, yes I cover him, it’s cold, he is old and thin and he loves it!

Molsie’s nose is somehow perfectly placed on my stomach and I am caressing his silky head. He is breathing softly and his eyes for once are shut tight instead of the now usual half open mode. He is comfortable and has eaten well today, by any standards and has pooed his first perfect pooh in a week. As I caress his soft head I am thinking I have to remember to wake up in 4 hours for his next pill and I start to cry. I have been doing that a lot lately, so has my husband and daughter, my son eh….he loves Molson he just doesn’t rise and shine by him.

Molson’s eating has changed. He is becoming very particular and I am becoming ever more creative. Four weeks ago he decided cream cheese was not happening anymore so we started hiding his pill in chicken, turkey, salami, anything that would get him to open his yapper and suck it down. We have discovered now that a little ice cream goes a long way at least as far as taking his pill is concerned.

He no longer is thrilled with chicken and he turns his nose at roast beef, boiled turkey worked for about 4 days however hamburger or should I say plain chopped meat cooked seems to be to his liking, when and only when he is in the mood. Shepherd’s Pie seems to be to his liking too but again when and only when he is in the mood.

Vanilla cooked pudding starts his day off these days, warmed up a little bit and then later he wants some meat. He may have become particular but he is definitely eating well and varied…he is just being a pain in the ass! But that is allowed, he is given carte blanche in all departments.

We thought he was calling it quits two weeks ago, he refused to eat one day and wouldn’t pick up his head I got a frantic phone call from my husband who was staying home with him, “get into a cab and come home now” was all he said and I was home in 15 minutes.

Molsie wouldn’t pick up his head off the bed, he just lay there and he hadn’t eaten all day, wouldn’t take his pill or get up to drink water. I went through the usual offerings, everything in the fridge…and then inspiration hit, I had a box of Jell-O vanilla cooked pudding in the cupboard, I thought maybe it would tempt him, being warm and smooth and sweet and not offensive. I made the pudding, cooled it and brought it to him like an offering to a Prince and low and behold he slowly raised his head and licked my finger then sat up and sucked that plate clean!

A half hour later he ate cooked chop meat and then we were away at the races. However he scared me enough that I contacted his vet to give him a heads up and to ask him when the time came if Molson didn’t go “quietly into the night” on his own and that it looked like he needed our love and support and assistance could his vet come to our house? I never ever want to take my beloved to the vet for his last minutes in this life; I did that with my Dawn and never want to have that experience again. I thankfully received a message from my wonderful vet who said he would do a home visit when the time came and to just keep him informed. And then Molson rallied!

He has rallied so much that he will take his paw and slam it down on the bed beside or on myself or my husband when he wants something, could we help him get up to lie on his other side, let’s go get a drink, I want to go into the other room, change my diaper, get me something to eat, give me a kiss, change the channel…Then there is his new bit, he barks if we are not in the same room, even if he can see me from the next room, if he is alone and he wants something, anything, he barks, and then he barks again and it usually is just for me to lie down beside him and keep him company. He has become vocal and demanding and spirited and I thank G-d. The only time he doesn’t bark is when we position him in a cozy nook on thick comfortable quilts facing the front door where he see’s us getting dressed to go out with our coats on, then he seems to settle down and go to sleep, I told you he was smart!

Someone who shall remain nameless keeps saying “if he is in pain…”  My answer to that is If I saw him in pain, if I see he is not eating, if I see he is no longer interested…IF I SEE then you can be damn sure I WILL DO what is right by my beloved. Both my husband and I have said very clearly that if we see a downward turn then we will take the next step but how does anyone in their right mind call it quits when the party involved, is alert, demonstrative, clearly not in any discomfort (thank you Tramadol), eating a lot, although picky at times, but if you were getting near the end wouldn’t you only want to eat the things that made your taste buds go yay?

How in my right mind can I end a life that is so obviously still with me? Bright eyed, interested and dare I say stubborn. So what if I haven’t slept through the night in months, so what if now I have bags under my eyes, big deal! My choice…our choice but always with Molsie first and foremost! Last night my husband and I both agreed that it was a blessing that we felt equally the same about Molson because if we weren’t on the same page we would be divorced!

For the past three days I have stayed at home with Molson, staying in comfy pajamas and sweaters letting myself be at his beck and call, spoiling him every minute and running to him if I dare go out of the room and hear him bark. So today when I had to leave him, when I came to give him his breakfast fully dressed he decided to pull the trump card. He didn’t raise his head, he didn’t allow me to help him up, he wouldn’t eat he looked me straight in the eye (that should have clued me in!) and he wouldn’t budge. For ten minutes I caressed his back and tried to raise his head.

Nothing worked so I had a talk with him, I put my mouth close to his impossibly silky ear and quietly whispered to him, if he is telling me he is no longer interested, if he is tired and wants to go on his journey I don’t want him to stay for me, I will help him if that is what he needs. I whispered he is the puppy boy love of my life and he should go if he is ready and I will love him forever more but…if he is pulling the “I am really ok but just don’t want you to go out” game and not raising his head because he knows I won’t leave him then that is another story.

So I had this honest talk not knowing which card I would be dealt and I put some pudding onto my finger and then put it close to his mouth and waited. He looked at me for what seemed like an eternity and then finally called “uncle” and licked off the pudding, sat up and licked the bowl clean. Then bossed me around for a while to show me he was all right and that is how he sent me off. I told my husband what happened when I got into the car and he said of course he did that, he knew you were going out! I didn’t feel guilty for leaving him I just felt relief because if he could pull such a stunt and a stunt it was then he is doing all right.

I just have to make sure I have stock of Vanilla Pudding.

Source: Molsie's Blog of Animal Assistance Products, creator of the Hip Hammock & Barrel Booster.